Dairy Queen Blog

I’ve noticed a lot of talk in the comment section that we’ve reached the final mecca for chocolate lovers in the new DQ Blizz – the Midnight Truffle Blizzard treat. Well, I’ve never met a chocolate lover quite like Rachel…

I’m a Blizzard addict. People generally think of me as a good person – someone who remembers to change the toilet paper roll, sends birthday cards at the right time, gets mostly straight As. I don’t smoke. I’d die of an asthma attack if I did. I don’t drink. I’d rather get drunk on sugar. So sugar is my vice – it’s my high.  And the best sort of high is a Blizzard high.

I live for the Chocolate Xtreme Blizzard. It’s so good I haven’t eaten any other kind of Blizzard since it came out. I bowed down in reverence when it arrived. It’s like God remembered I was the water girl because I couldn’t make the basketball team. Or that I was asthmatic kid out on the track that always got last. Or that I was a dorky nerd who fell second to my twin in the race for valedictorian. And to make up for it, He said, “hey, this kid deserves a slice of heaven early.”

The things I can do after consuming a Blizzard are near miracles. It was under the influence of a Blizzard that I got the closest I’ve ever come to completing a cartwheel. I can type 100 words per minute. I can juggle. I can almost whistle. I once rescued a fleeing soda bottle from being trampled by the wheels of a car.

There’s a DQ just a couple blocks from where I live right now. Even though I can’t see it from my window, I still see it. I have equated that red DQ sign to what the arches in heaven must look like. If I go too long in between Blizzards, sometimes I awake in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, my tongue reaching for a Blizzard that isn’t there.

The one just a couple blocks down isn’t a brazier. Winter’s tough. I actually go into mourning, wishing I had a red spoon I could pretend with.

Seriously, I can’t even eat chocolate pudding on its own anymore. I have to throw in chocolate chips or sprinkles or marshmallows – making it into some inferior form of the Blizzard. Yogurt on its own is now lame to me. I like my milkshakes chunky. Anything can be made better by putting pieces of candy into it.

I’d write more. But it’s Blizzard time. I’m drooling at the keyboard. Were I to write any more, I might get electrocuted before I even made it to DQ. And when I go, some time far from now when DQ has thought of something that tops the Chocolate Xtreme – if that’s even possible -  I sure better have an ice cold Blizzard in my hands, that red sign welcoming me on in to heaven, where they serve up Blizzards morning day and night and even I can get my fill.

Wow, Rachel, those are some Xtreme words of passion! But about those homemade Blizz concoctions – they never work out. Leave the mixing to the pros.

Like I said at the top of the post, the Midnight Truffle is stirring up some chocolate-covered controversy. And it just might be more Xtreme than your Xtreme Blizz. Check out Ken’s column.

This might call for a Blizz-off. Chocolate Xtreme vs Midnight Truffle in a cocoa-crazed battle for the title of Most Chocolatey. May the best Blizz win!

Leave your vote in the comment section.